Consider this uncollected sonnet by Philip Larkin written when he was thirty-one and perhaps on holiday from his library post at Queen’s University, Belfast:
Autobiography at an Air-Station
Delay, well travellers must expect
Delay. For how long? No one seems to know.
With all the luggage weighed, the tickets checked,
It can’t be long. . . . We amble to and fro,
Sit in steel chairs, buy cigarettes and sweets
And tea, unfold the papers. Ought we to smile,
Perhaps make friends? No: in the race for seats
You’re best alone. Friendship is not worth while.
Six hours pass: if I’d gone by boat last night
I’d be there now. Well, it’s too late for that.
The kiosk girl is yawning. I feel staled,
Stupefied, by inaction—and, as light
Begins to ebb outside, by fear; I set
So much on this Assumption. Now it’s failed.
The hoped-for ascent into the heavens, the success of holiday, depends upon indifferent despotic time, which turns anticipation to “inaction.” The conventional wisdom (“travellers must expect Delay”) is not reassuring. There is, in fact, no consolation or pastime to be found—not in cigarettes, sweets, tea, or the papers. In the stupefying limbo that every traveler has experienced, when no one can explain the delay nor estimate when it will end, even ordinary human contact becomes menacing. A glimmer of possibility appears after six hours: if he had taken the boat he’d be there by now. Gary Saul Morson calls this “sideshadowing” in contradistinction to “foreshadowing”:
Without the freedom to do otherwise—to be otherwise—the human being is a slave. And it does not make a whole lot of difference whether he is enslaved by the color of his skin or because of the color of his skin. The conviction that actuality is the only dimension open to a man is the final tyranny.
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[1] Gary Saul Morson, Narrative and Freedom: The Shadows of Time (New Haven: Yale University Press, 1994), p. 6. Italics are his.
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